I pretend to work late to avoid domestic drudgery Your partner skips the children’s bedtime, claiming a three-hour meeting.
It becomes apparent, from his cheery hello kiss, that 90 minutes of this was spent in the pub.
But that erosion of honesty is a pact with the devil: it will cause us, eventually, to suffer all those emotions.
How many people feel alone, abandoned and rejected in a relationship?
One in four women and one in five men admit to looking at their partner’s messages and Facebook accounts.
The study of 13,132 people, by security firm, Avast, found that few suspected infidelity — most were curious. The white lie, to spare feelings, is an act of kindness.If you’re content to share the details of every asset, marvellous; but you shouldn’t feel obliged.However, if you are spending significant sums on the sly — that’s different.After a painful break-up, you might have embarked on an uncharacteristic bender, sleeping with lots of people. How much do I need to share about my financial affairs?If you both contribute to a pot of joint expenses, full financial disclosure, beyond that, doesn’t necessarily suggest a strong relationship.There’s nothing harder than two grown-ups living together. Ferreting through a bag is symptomatic of a lack of trust.But dishonesty causes disunity and disharmony, and, of course, your behaviour is a blueprint for your children. The dishonesty mirrors the relationship; it’s not just a single streak.If you have accepted who you are, you don’t need external validation. It’s also important that we each have a secret garden.Sometimes, being economical with the truth is not lying. Instead of standing nose to nose, stand back to back, holding hands, and retain your individual views of the world. With nothing left to discover, a relationship stagnates.My advice is to decide what kind of relationship you want. If you are in love, anyone encroaching on your territory will prompt insecurity. If your partner is secretive about calls, rather than waking at 2am to scroll through his phone, why not say: ‘Can I ask why you won’t answer a call in front of me?Rather than becoming hyper-vigilant, say: “I notice so-and-so always comments on your posts.” The implicit understanding is that this makes you uncomfortable: your partner should then reassure you. If you are sneakily reading his messages, the issue is as much about your dishonesty with yourself as it is with him. It makes me feel insecure.’ Being honest entails facing your vulnerabilities and core fears — acknowledging that you might have made a mistake in trusting someone. If you share, only be as honest as your partner can take.